The Quality of Questions Determines the Class of Conversation

If you had to grasp someone’s psychology with only one element in a messenger conversation, you should look at the ‘type and frequency of questions’ they ask without hesitation.

The tiki-taka (back-and-forth rhythm like table tennis) of a conversation is established when there is a constant effort to pass the ball (question) to the opponent’s court. The level of interest in you is perfectly analyzed by the type of questions you receive.

1. Closed-ended vs. Open-ended Questions

Questions are largely divided into two types.

• Closed-ended Questions: Questions that end with a “Yes/No” answer. (e.g., “Have you eaten?”, “Are you home now?”)
• Open-ended Questions: Questions that induce descriptive answers and keep the topic open. (e.g., “What do you usually do to relax on weekends?”, “What part did you like most about the music you recommended earlier?”)

As interest grows, the conversation naturally transitions from closed-ended to open-ended questions. Following up on my answers and continuing with another open-ended question is a 100% green light that the other person is enjoying the conversation itself with me.

2. Evolution of Past, Present, and Future Tenses

Interestingly, the tense of questions exchanged in chats changes as the relationship progresses.

1. Present Tense (Early Stage/Exploration): “What are you doing now?”, “Are you busy?”
2. Past Tense (Mid Stage/Empathy): “How was the movie you saw yesterday?”, “What kind of student were you in school?” (Sharing personal history)
3. Future Tense (Late Stage/Preparing to Confirm Relationship): “I heard it’s going to rain this weekend, do you like indoor outings?”, “Let’s definitely go together sometime”

If the other person uses the “Let’s go/eat sometime~” (aka IF phrasing) text using the future tense, it is a ‘bait’ to induce an offline date appointment, going beyond simple liking.

3. Question Drought Phenomenon (Red Light)

There is a trap that makes it easy to mistake that you are in a ‘some’ relationship because the conversation is constant. Scroll up the KakaoTalk chat and analyze the texts you have shared for the last month.

• If I’m the only one asking questions and the other person only answers (even if they write diligently and at length), and there are no return questions asking me “How about you?” at all?
• This is just a friendly interview, not the process of dating. In this case, patience is needed to wait until the other person becomes curious about me first.