Is it Push and Pull, or a Fishpond? How to Distinguish Confusing Signals

Some days they leave a long, affectionate KakaoTalk message before bed, and the next day they only reply with short answers, claiming to be tired all day. These mixed signals simultaneously release massive amounts of dopamine and stress in the recipient’s brain, making them obsessed with the other person.

Is this the other person’s meticulous ‘push and pull,’ or are they just ‘managing a fishpond,’ looking for me only when they’re bored?

1. ‘Push and Pull’ Has a Purpose

Push and pull, which intentionally regulates the speed of contact, is a ‘performance to increase my value.’ Therefore, it is accompanied by the following characteristics:

• Although the contact term is long, it includes efforts to pull the conversation back after pushing away (initiating a message, asking questions, etc.).
• If you get angry or seem to have really lost interest, they get flustered and immediately take compensatory actions (phone call, etc.).

2. Signals of ‘Indifference’ and ‘Fishpond’

On the other hand, unfortunately, 80% of mixed signals are not push and pull, but careless indifference that tries to consume the other person’s emotions only when it is convenient for them.

• Patternless Delay: They make excuses for being late because they were busy, but they don’t provide a concrete explanation of why they were busy. (ex: “Ah, I passed out lol”) 😂
• Asymmetrical Investment: Whenever you try to make an offline appointment to meet, your schedules always clash and they avoid it. In other words, they only use KakaoTalk as an emotional outlet and do not take responsibility for the relationship’s progress.

3. Coping Rules for Confusing Situations

Modern relationship psychologists unanimously say, “The person who confuses you only likes you that much.” This is because when you truly want someone, you don’t waste energy confusing them, but go straight for it.

If the score of the KakaoTalk analyzer fluctuates extremely between ‘80 points’ and ‘20 points,’ it means that the analyzer is not broken, but the other person’s sincerity is broken. You need to first increase your own contact term and see how the other person reacts as a final check.